Koyaanisqatsi

[waitingman]

A life out of balance indeed. I wonder if there's an obscure tribal word for feeling like a hollow shell too.

Without going into too much self-pitying detail, reality has crushed a few hopes, dreams & desires over the last couple of weeks & also delivered some uncomfortable home-truths & wake-up calls. I've been trying to find ways to adjust & move forward, little steps at a time. And then, today...

Well, something that I've known was coming finally happened today... I was called into the manager's office & told that if my 'productivity rate' doesn't lift over the next week, that I'll be 'let go'.

For 'productivity rate' read 'desperate attempts at sales lead generation #1. Cold calling via the phone.' Something I am excruciatingly uncomfortable with & therefore extremely unwilling to do, as I don't believe it's an effective use of resources, nor is it an effective use of my time. The job snob in me wanted to say that if he wanted telesales staff, he should have advertised for them, instead of getting experienced qualified technical AV consultants to sit on the phone all day & read from a script... Given that I always suspected all his grand talk of marketing activity & promises of great things was a shower of drebbidge right from the first interview, I suppose I'm just surprised that it's come to this so quickly.

However, as I'm in interview limbo at the moment, following a rather promising one last Friday that I haven't heard the result of yet, I suppose I'd better safeguard my immediate future, dumb down & dial.

"Have you heard about our special offer - a free set of quality cut-glass tumblers with every AMX system you purchase. Plus, if you pay by Visa, you will receive absolutely free..."

The 'Will WaitingMan Make It To 2006 In One Piece' sweepstakes starts now. Opening odds are at 5/2... not sure which way...

In other news, I've taken the first few steps towards itinerant musicianhood. 2 cabaret gigs as guitarist-for-hire have led to another offer currently in rehearsal. I also broke up Daylan today, or maybe broke down is more appropriate - it's devolved into a looser collective without the constricting expectations, limitations & baggage that a band develops. Kind of like...'I love you, but we need to see other people too...'

And then, just as greyness was about to settle in for the night & the wicked wine bottle beckoned, I found



There Is No God by Penn Jillette

I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt definition of the word "elephant" includes mystery, order, goodness, love and a spare tire?

So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself has to start with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. She needs to search for some objective evidence of a supernatural power. All the people I write e-mails to often are still stuck at this searching stage. The atheism part is easy.

But, this "This I Believe" thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, "This I believe: I believe there is no God."

Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day.

Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.

Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don't travel in circles where people say, "I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith." That's just a long-winded religious way to say, "shut up," or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, "How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do." So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always fun. It means I'm learning something.

Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.

Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.

Snaffled from Shadow5Tails page. Unfortunately, I neglected to see who posted it there, but thanks be to them for today's little smilebringer.

Comments

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

I think it might be the beautiful malada, she of the bass-guitar-oriented usericon.

You really have to meet her and deor one day.