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waitingmanA phone call from an acquaintance this evening, wondering how I, & the rest of the Family, are going since Father's death last month...
I told her that Long-Suffering Partner & I were doing fine, that we were shouldering up to the practicalities of life, which waits for no one, but that my Mother & Sister were having a harder time of it. Which is essentially the truth. I've lost relatives before now &, without wishing to sound callous or morbid, had wondered how I would react when it was one of my parents. Turns out, much the same, really - focussing on the things that needed doing, the others in the Family who needed solace, strength & support & just getting on with adjusting to a Father-shaped hole in my life which would need time to fill itself in
Which isn't to say that I felt nothing. I had some time alone on the day Father died & let whatever was there wash over me as 'Shine On You Crazy Diamond' played him out of my life & into my memories
But there were eulogies to write, e-mails to send, phone calls, forms to sign, arrangements to be made, meetings to attend... & my job, which can't do without me for any appreciable length of time judging by the amount of calls & messages I get on my day(s) off, was no less insistent than ever. In the face of all that, grief just has to settle for a slow-trickle release - a little every day in some small measure, triggered by a thought, a memory, an association, or piece of music. I'm not denying it, just not letting it run the whole show...
The next big test for us as a Family, is when we'll have to pack up Father's life - clothes, his 'office' desk, his workshop, automobilia, tools & whatever else. That will be an interesting day
I told her that Long-Suffering Partner & I were doing fine, that we were shouldering up to the practicalities of life, which waits for no one, but that my Mother & Sister were having a harder time of it. Which is essentially the truth. I've lost relatives before now &, without wishing to sound callous or morbid, had wondered how I would react when it was one of my parents. Turns out, much the same, really - focussing on the things that needed doing, the others in the Family who needed solace, strength & support & just getting on with adjusting to a Father-shaped hole in my life which would need time to fill itself in
Which isn't to say that I felt nothing. I had some time alone on the day Father died & let whatever was there wash over me as 'Shine On You Crazy Diamond' played him out of my life & into my memories
But there were eulogies to write, e-mails to send, phone calls, forms to sign, arrangements to be made, meetings to attend... & my job, which can't do without me for any appreciable length of time judging by the amount of calls & messages I get on my day(s) off, was no less insistent than ever. In the face of all that, grief just has to settle for a slow-trickle release - a little every day in some small measure, triggered by a thought, a memory, an association, or piece of music. I'm not denying it, just not letting it run the whole show...
The next big test for us as a Family, is when we'll have to pack up Father's life - clothes, his 'office' desk, his workshop, automobilia, tools & whatever else. That will be an interesting day
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Sorry to read about your father's death
Date: 2015-08-27 03:51 pm (UTC)Every now and then I check your blog to see how you're doing. I still think about you and hope you are doing well. I was sorry to read about your father's death on your blog. I wish you strength and the extra energy you'll need for what I can only imagine will be a very difficult period ahead. Kate
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Date: 2015-08-28 12:31 am (UTC)