Tears Of A Clown

What to do... what to do...

Maybe it's the early hour, maybe I'm not fully awake yet (it's 7am, on a day off), but my mood's a bit down. I've had a look over the last week & bit's worth of DW/LJ entries & am having a bit of an existential crisis - one of those "Is anybody even reading this? Maybe I should just keep a private diary & forget about it" moods. This is more a LJ issue than DW - where I only have a few contacts & they're pretty good at letting me know they've noticed I'm alive, but over on LJ, I'm even starting to miss the antagonistic comments from the person I blocked a couple of weeks ago - at least it meant someone was reading the damn stuff, though the last exchange we had is what made me step back from socio-political ranting & start posting more photos instead

Sometimes I do wonder who I'm writing/posting for... over the years of being on LJ, I developed a writing style that tries to speak outwardly, rather than just personally... in other words, I imagined an audience & began talking to them, instead of just recording an inner monologue & catalogue of events. Lately I'm starting to feel like one of those channels on Foxtel that nobody watches, or like the midnight-to-dawn DJ on a remote country radio station... there may be someone out there, but FIIK... which stands for 'Buggered If I Know'

For my part, I try to engage with other's entries where I feel I have a comment to make, or appreciate a photo, or video they've posted & I'll continue to do so... maybe, but as for my own Journal... either I'm going to start writing just for me, without bothering to link to articles, or post photos, or I may just give it up entirely & keep a personal journal offline...

Maybe I'll feel completely different in a while, after a coffee... or a few of these...