The Lone-Wolf-No-Man-Is-An Island

No man is an island... they say.

Lone wolves never survive in the wild... they say.

I say bullsh@t to that.

Having just found my own way home from the other side of town via my own shoe leather & 1 short bus trip, after a work Christmas party that was hinted to deliver much concerning my immediate future, but inevitably ended up merely reinforcing my ignoble past. I say it's no wonder I don't rely on anyone else to look after either myself or my interests... By the end of the occasion & evening, I was feeling both emotionally & physically alone.

There were 2 people I would have liked help or support from, both of whom have previously said I could call on them any time. And I don't consider midnight to be an outrageous demand.

Many are the times I have answered the call for various people at all hours of the day & night, or have been placed on standby for the same & have done so without complaint or prevarication. Many are the times I have placed my faith in people who purport to have my best interests at heart ~ even when I know that they are only really doing it for themselves ~ only to find things fall at the first obstacle because the support has vanished at the slightest sign of inconvenience... or was never really there in the first place.

And you wonder why I have no faith in people.

Yes, I'm bitter. Yes, I'm hot & tired. No, I'm not drunkenly ranting ~ if only... Yes, I'll possibly regret some of the things I've written tomorrow, but this is my journal after all & this is how I feel right now... sore feet & all.

Thanks to my Foil for the lift to the venue.

Later, Calmer

Fair-weather friends admonished... in fact 'castigated' would be a good word ~ rhymes with 'castrated', which also crossed my mind...

So, to sum up: a bit of a disappointing weekend, really. The Hands & Feet session was okay... still productive, but I'm still frustrated by the lack of full-attendance rehearsals, since we have enough material ready to move to the next stages, we just all need to be in the same place & time to play it!!

The work Christmas party was a nightmare. I didn't want to go, but was talked into attending by Mrs "MD"/CN, who seemed blindly optimistic that all would work out. It didn't... culminating in the events chronicled (much) earlier today.

After ignoring a couple of the inevitable calls from work on my Sunday, I received a text from the Hobbit asking me to come down to work to meet with him. When I eventually sauntered in 3 hours later, after a leisurely coffee at the local (can't quite afford breakfast this week), the gist was that he can't/won't pay me what I need, but wants me to stay 'til I've officially found a new job. An attack of accursed pragmatism made me acquiesce, but by the time I'd walked back to OBLuV8 I was kicking myself for letting go of the prospect of 3 weeks holiday (pay!!) over Christmas & New Year... like normal people have.

Sent off an application today for my dream job of 20 years ~ Account Manager for a major music label ~ I don't mind being open about this one, because the one thing about dreams is they don't come true. In a lot of cases... certainly in a lot of my dreams, this is a good thing... the world would be a very strange place. However, the onus is on me to get out of the Hellhole either by my original plan of leaving in 2 weeks time, or by finding a job back on my proper career path & rubbing my $75K package in the Hobbit's hairy little face... preferably some time in the next 2 weeks.

Some nice company this afternoon, some long & overdue conversations this evening & now the whole sorry mess from the last 64 hours is fast catching up with me. I think I'll race it to bed.