Getting Personal
Nov. 2nd, 2006 05:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
waitingmanAnd now for something completely different...
The book is an amusing collection of personal ads published in the London Review of Books. The LRB's advertising director David Rose has picked out the wittiest ads from his 10 years in the job and the results are fascinating, to say the least.
The LRB's personals are apparently renowned, in the UK at least, for their strange - but well-written - ads.
Here are a few samples from the book:
"They call me naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46)."
"Love is Strange - Wait till you see my feet. Box no. 5973"
"Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite."
"I have nothing to offer reader other than my expertise in classical literature. Oh, and a Prince Albert. (M, 51)"
"If you too live in a care home where the quality of the shower water is poor and access to the bath hoist is determined by an inadequate monthly rotation schedule, then write to flaky, 72-year-old man with no recollection of where any of these stains have come from."
"To some, I am a world of temptation. To others, I'm just another cross-dressing pharmacist. Box no. 3661."
"List your ten favourite albums. I just want to know if there's anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward thinking man, 35."
"Are you Kate Bush? Write to obsessive man (36). Note, people who aren't Kate Bush need not respond."
'I've divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these. So don't think placing this ad is the biggest comedown I've ever had to make. Sensitive F, 34.'
'Employed in publishing? Me too. Stay the hell away. Man on the inside seeks woman on the outside who likes milling around hospitals guessing the illnesses of out-patients. 30-35. Leeds.'
'I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.'
'My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.'
'Your buying me dinner doesn't mean I'll have sex with you. I probably will have sex with you, though. Honesty not an issue with opportunistic male, 38.'
'Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.'
'Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people's names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I'll make love to you. If it hasn't, I probably will anyway, but I'll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.'
'Ploughing the loneliest furrow. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Man, 51.'
'Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks...damn it, I have to pee again.'
'Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities (37) seeks man who can toss a good salad.'
'Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.'
The book is an amusing collection of personal ads published in the London Review of Books. The LRB's advertising director David Rose has picked out the wittiest ads from his 10 years in the job and the results are fascinating, to say the least.
The LRB's personals are apparently renowned, in the UK at least, for their strange - but well-written - ads.
Here are a few samples from the book:
"They call me naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46)."
"Love is Strange - Wait till you see my feet. Box no. 5973"
"Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite."
"I have nothing to offer reader other than my expertise in classical literature. Oh, and a Prince Albert. (M, 51)"
"If you too live in a care home where the quality of the shower water is poor and access to the bath hoist is determined by an inadequate monthly rotation schedule, then write to flaky, 72-year-old man with no recollection of where any of these stains have come from."
"To some, I am a world of temptation. To others, I'm just another cross-dressing pharmacist. Box no. 3661."
"List your ten favourite albums. I just want to know if there's anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward thinking man, 35."
"Are you Kate Bush? Write to obsessive man (36). Note, people who aren't Kate Bush need not respond."
'I've divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these. So don't think placing this ad is the biggest comedown I've ever had to make. Sensitive F, 34.'
'Employed in publishing? Me too. Stay the hell away. Man on the inside seeks woman on the outside who likes milling around hospitals guessing the illnesses of out-patients. 30-35. Leeds.'
'I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.'
'My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.'
'Your buying me dinner doesn't mean I'll have sex with you. I probably will have sex with you, though. Honesty not an issue with opportunistic male, 38.'
'Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.'
'Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people's names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I'll make love to you. If it hasn't, I probably will anyway, but I'll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.'
'Ploughing the loneliest furrow. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Man, 51.'
'Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks...damn it, I have to pee again.'
'Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities (37) seeks man who can toss a good salad.'
'Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.'
