Character Assassination

Snaffled from lederhosen...

Name Five Fictional Characters You'd Like To Punch In The Face.

1. Elizabeth Bennett (Pride & Prejudice): In fact - the whole Bennett family... the stupid, simpering sisters, the monomanic mother & the fuddy-duddy father. One of only two books I've started to read & never finished.

2. Zaphod Beeblebrox (Hitch-hiker's Guide...): Not sure if this would have to count as two punches or not... Douglas Adams' most annoying character. One of the things I disliked about the recent movie was how the (re)writers managed to make him even more annoying than previous incarnations.

3. The Secret Seven (Enid Blyton): A job lot, but especially the annoying older brother who was 'leader'. Patronising, unctuous, classist, racist, sanctimonious... in fact, all the things that people accused Enid of being in real life, so maybe I could just punch her - which would take care of The Famous Five too...

4. William of Baskerville (The Name Of The Rose): For being a self-righteous, pig-headed, insufferable know-all. In fact, I'd probably whack Adso of Melk as well, just for being pitiful enough to put up with William. This was the second book I never finished. Like the movie though...

5. Nicole Des Jardins (Rama Revealed, Garden of Rama): The least likeable heroine since Elizabeth Bennett. A 'brilliant' scientist with strong links to her African tribal heritage who becomes mother to the future of the human space race & dies at the end of the third book, at which point I cheered. These two books offer proof not only that Arthur C Clarke shouldn't write sequels (the 2010, 2063, 3001 books weren't much better), but also that he shouldn't co-author... especially not with an American... & especially not with Gentry f@#*ing Lee!!

Ahhh so many to choose from... Bridget Jones is a sub-set of five all to herself, too.