A friend of mine ~ my musical foil in a previous life ~ has suggested I make a calendar of 13 of my best photos to gauge interest in the passion that looks set to supplant music in my life.
He claims to have an objective view of my work, not tainted by the burden of prejudice, nor the inevitable dilemma of somehow expecting to make some semblance of living from one's talent in the face of overwhelming competition & indifference.
I wish I could believe it ~ both him & the possibilities, but history & my experiences therein leave me cynical, pessimistic & unmotivated. My 'career' in music has shown how talent & proficiency are no guarantees of recognition, let alone viability. It's far more important to have the self-belief, desire & ability to market & promote oneself loudly, ruthlessly & without shame. This goes against not only my style of playing but, by extension, my personality as a whole &, as an aside, is also a contributing reason for my desire to leave the Sales industry behind me, as I no longer have the stomach to even pretend that I'm suited to it... if I ever was.
In a nutshell, my inner conflict is this: I want to make a living from something I'm not only good at, but also enjoy doing. Until a couple of years ago that meant music. Now it includes photography... assuming that others think I'm good at it ~ I've only my own opinion... However, having had my dreams/aspirations of a sufficiently successful career in music dashed by year after year of it failing to eventuate ~ & my enthusiasm for it waning, most likely, as a result, I'm not at the stage in my photographic endeavours to risk killing the enthusiasm with futile expectations of self-sufficiency at least, success at best. So I'm reluctant to do anything
with my photos, other than post them on Flickr
, in order to preserve the innocent fun & enjoyment I get from a hobby/passion with no agenda attached. I may harbour fantasies of one day being Ian Wallace
, but as long as it remains an unattached fantasy, there's no more harm in it than when I dreamed of being Eric Clapton
when I first started playing guitar... before 25 years of experience & expectation were ultimately foiled & frustrated.
Gunshyness... lack of self-confidence... pessimism... call it what you will. I have it.