waitingman: (Orang-Utan)
... that I look forward to every year

The Best Jokes From The 2017 Edinburgh Comedy Festival

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change." – Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book." – Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" – Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl-next-door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her." – Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated." – Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant." – Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it…" – Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, five and six. We're no good at naming things in our house." – Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine." – Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!'" – Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event." – Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer." – Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it." – Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark." – Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act." – Tim Vine
waitingman: (Music)
... albeit probably a slightly flat one Britney Spears sings live!!

I wish she hadn't chosen to murder one of my favourite Bonnie Raitt songs though
waitingman: (Happy Droopy)
Justin Bieber to take 2 year break from music

Take as long as you like... please!!
waitingman: (Orang Utan)
Reading the Sydney Morning Herald this morning, I saw an intriguing article title - I ignored Trump news for a week - here's what I learned. Apart from learning that the orange-wigged, tiny-handed CiC has pretty much taken over both professional & social media, blanket coverage of his every (mis)step has obscured some important events... & some interesting discoveries

Like this story. Scientists have confirmed the existence of an underwater continent just off the coast of Australia - the highest points of which, we call New Zealand. At its closest 'Zealandia' is just 25 kilometres from the Australian mainland, putting it well within our territorial waters...

So we can feel justified about our insistence on claiming New Zealand actors & musicians as our own. Step forward, new Australians Russell Crowe, Sam Neill, Lorde Jenny Morris, Bic Runga, Keith Urban, John Clarke, Flight of the Conchords & great bands like Dragon, Split Enz, Crowded House, Mi-Sex & the late, great (damn you 2016!!!) Ray Columbus & the Invaders

And many more, but that's enough Youtube for one day... Have a photo

Sunset Climb

Sunset in the Red Hills, above St George, Utah
waitingman: (Orang Utan)
Fun with statistics... who says numbers are boring?

If you thought nobody gave a f%@k during 2016, you'd be wrong... Apparently a great number of people gave a f%@k, with one event in particular causing a LOT of f%@ks to be given

In fact, given the amount of f%@ks that were given on social media last year, I don't see why I have to disguise mine... & if you're offended, well - fuck off

So there's one fuck given for 2017... oops, now there are two. Shit, I mean bugger, I mean god damn it, I mean...
waitingman: (Still Waiting)
So goodbye also to Debbie Reynolds, after suffering a stroke during a planning meeting for her daughter's funeral...

On a related note, from the Huffington Post - some food for thought
waitingman: (Default)
Goodbye, Mr Cohen

I'm not enjoying 2016 at all...

waitingman: (Still Waiting)
Who would have thought that Charlie Sheen's rather public & slightly spectacular meltdown a couple of years ago would inspire others to do the same??

Enter Corey Feldman

A contemporary of Charlie's, starting out in the same 'B' grade, but lacking the famous actor father who could elevate him to the 'A' list by teaching him how to act - both on screens & at parties - Corey was largely forgotten by the 90s & Noughties &, if his recent resurgence is any evidence, he's forgotten about those two decades as well...

I'm just not sure that the world is ready, or even wants, some kind of Charlie Sheen/Joaquin Phoenix/Shia LaBoeuf hybrid that shouts "Look at me, look at me!! I'm being edgy & awesome & you can't understand me because I'm too cosmic for this planet. Oh... & I can rap... No, really... listen!!"

I know it's human nature to look at car & train wrecks, but at least those things are accidents (most of the time). What does it say about Corey/Charlie/Joaquin/Shia when they crash into their own walls, then stand in the wreckage demanding attention from the world? And what does it say about us when we give it to them??

Mental illness isn't funny, or entertaining. Go get some help Corey et al... & as for the rest of us - give them the privacy they need, even when they're screaming that they don't
waitingman: (Still Waiting)

Oh God...

Sep. 21st, 2016 02:30 pm
waitingman: (Orang Utan)
Having woken to the 'news' that Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are divorcing, I can see that I'll be hearing, reading & seeing about nothing else on the news sites, the talk shows & the tabloid trash mags for the next 2 months at least

I know it's tempting fate, especially this year, but we need another celebrity death... otherwise I'll go absolutely, hair-tearingly berko

Why is it that the tabloid media are obsessed with breaking up marriages - Brad & Ange, Keith & Nicole, any of the Kardashian Klan & their accessories... They've been telling us it's all over for all of them since about a fortnight after their 'Celebrity Wedding of the Year' stories about them

Makes Fox News look factual...
waitingman: (Scream)
In a bid to continue my regular Journalling... let's talk politics

No... wait. Come back!!

Here in Australia, after the recent Federal election, we have seen the return of a pig-ignorant, right-leaning racist to the Senate Chamber - a woman named Pauline Hanson, who began her political 'career' in the mid 90s as a member of the Liberal Party before they, in a rare show of wisdom, kicked her out & she ran for office as 'Pauline Hanson's One Nation'. Back then, she ranted about how Asians were coming here & stealing our jobs & clogging up our Welfare. How they could be both employed & claiming benefits at the same time was, apparently, not something that occurred to her, or her legion of like (tiny)-minded supporters. To cut a long story short, she was convicted of political fraud (for misusing electoral funding, not for wasting taxpayers time & money), served time & has spent the last few elections trying to get back to Parliament. Somehow this year, she did. Now it's the Muslims who are coming here, taking our jobs & getting handouts... same story, same gaping hole in the logic, same like (tiny)-minded supporters. Exactly the kind of idiot we were supposed to be getting rid of with the double dissolution of Parliament for the last election. Don't get me started on how the incumbent Liberal party managed to completely stuff that up, with the result that not only is Pauline back, but ex -'Shock Jock' Derryn Hinch is in there too - still banging on about paedophiles & naming names, this time under Parliamentary Privilege so at least he can't be sent to gaol for it... again

This is the trouble with the USA election campaign running for a year or more. With Donald Trump getting so much press & attention, despite having no experience; no policies & no idea in general, a bunch of similarly clueless one-issue yahoos managed to get themselves enough votes from the great unwashed & into the Senate here in a fraction of the time. The best thing you can say is that at least they can't be Prime Minister - unlike Trump hurling himself at the top job, heedless of the damage he's done already, let alone what he will do once he's there

And the other thing that bothers me about all this is how the modern media are keeping it all alive, well & at the forefront of the news cycle, by continually posting articles, stories & opinion pieces about these clowns. Back in the day, my Mother used to say "Ignore them & they'll go away" when I'd complain about being teased or bullied. Hard as it was, it pretty much worked - a few dramatic confrontations aside. But it's nigh on impossible to ignore these people, given the blanket coverage they are afforded by a media hungry for clicks & revenue. So I just don't any more. I won't read any article that mentions them, no matter how beguilingly stupid the click-bait headline is. I already know they're idiots... I don't need that opinion consistently reinforced & thereby perpetuating their popularity by giving that article more hits. So if you don't know who Pauline Hanson or Derryn Hinch are, you can Google or Wiki them yourself, I'm not providing a link to anything to do with them. I'll assume you already know about Donald Trump... there's not that much to know really

And finally... have a picture of a cute baby Zebra

Young Punk
waitingman: (Still Waiting)
Dear oh Dear...

Phil & Lemmy from Motorhead, Stevie Wright, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Glenn Frey & now I hear Dale 'Buffin' Griffin from Mott The Hoople died recently as well...

A song David Bowie gave to Mott The Hoople that helped keep the band together. As Ian Hunter has said "Who owns this song anyway?!!"

Little wonder that some people are saying 2016 has been written & directed by George RR Martin
waitingman: (Still Waiting)
The youngest Bewlay Brother has died, at 69

What an amazing creative life... there are no other words

To put it in perspective, click here to see what David was doing at your age...

waitingman: (Still Waiting)
Vale Lemmy Kilmister

Mötörhead... one of my greatest not-so-guilty pleasures

Scott Weiland, Stevie Wright, Lemmy, Philthy... there's quite an impressive queue at the 2015 exit
waitingman: (Broken English)
Please... I'm begging you PLEASE

If you're ever in my company, kindly avoid the following expressions, as a punch in the mouth often offends...*

"Cray-cray" What on Earth?? It's not even an abbreviation. Just say 'crazy' before you drive me completely & utterly there

"Tay-Tay" when referring to Taylor Swift. For crying out loud, she's not a 5 year-old (unlike some of her fans), so please can we address the woman by her proper name??!!

However, for some reason, I have no problem with her being referred to as 'T-Swizzle'... though given my next gripe, I possibly should, for cultural reasons...

"Dropped" - as in "Tay-Tay's new video dropped at the Billboard Awards last night & it was cray-cray" I don't even know where to start, but let's try 'debuted', 'screened', 'played', 'was released/shown/broadcast'. 'Dropped' in this context, comes from hip-hop & it's just embarrassing when music journalists use it to appear relevant & street-credible

* - But I'm sure any right-minded Magistrate would let me off with a warning...
waitingman: (Still Waiting)
And you're too old at 33, apparently

Or, at least according to this article, that's the age at which you stop listening to new music - & presumably start yelling at those darned kids to turn that infernal racket down!!

It's been 15 years since I was 33. Now, let's see if I can name some 'new' music I've listened to, & indeed bought proper CDs of with real money, in those intervening years...

Mumford & Sons, Kate Miller-Heidke, Megan Washington, Calexico, Decoder Ring, True Live, Richard Thompson (I know, but I was late to the party!!), Jake Shimabukuro, Brad Paisley, EmmyLou Harris (late to that party too!!), BifTek, John Mayer, Karma County, Lorde, Nitin Sawhney, How To Destroy Angels, Barry Adamson, Rodrigo Y Gabriela, Black Sabbath (very nearly too late to that party!!!), Melody Gardot, Crimson Jazz Trio, Trey Gunn, Glenn Gould (definitely too late for him...), Jess Chalker, Emilie Simon, Kimbra & Franz Liszt & YoYo Ma for the Classically-minded

And yes, there are probably more, but I don't really feel like scouring the music collection for further proof - I figure the point is disproved enough... at least in my case

Take that, you pigeon-holing bastards!!!
waitingman: (Dark Times)
And so, we return to normal 'round here - I turn up when someone I admire has died

Goodbye Terry & thank you for all the wonderful stories, jokes, puns & one-liners

My personal favourite was when he came to Sydney &, not so much gave as 'hosted' a reading of his work at the Concert Hall in the Opera House. His Reader, impressed by the architecture of the place, turned to Terry & said "I know you disapprove of the word, but this place is awesome"

Terry replied "I've told you before - if it doesn't involve God & hosts of angels descending from the Heavens, then it's just 'good'"

I already liked & greatly admired him & his work, but from that moment on, I loved him...
waitingman: (Still Waiting)
Just re-watching Blazing Saddles tonight, for the first time in ages... & for the first time on Blu-Ray & in an accompanying doco, learned that Madeline Kahn died in 1999


She was so funny
waitingman: (Waitsing Man)
A successful day at work, where quotes became orders & thousands of dollars were raked in. Yay...

Our regular Game of Thrones viewing & dinner companion & afterwards, a gentle night

waitingman: (Still Waiting)
Following the morning ritual of firing up the Nespresso machine & the computer, the first story on the Sydney Morning Herald website that caught my eye this morning was this...

I have a friend who's worked in advertising ever since he left school... He never told me it could be this much fun



waitingman: (Default)

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