waitingman: (World Cow)
The end is nigh... At the hands of another planet, apparently...

Some time between September 20-23rd... I wonder if I can get access to my superannuation fund by then? Not much point keeping it for my old age

Is it too late to book a flight to the International Space Station? Maybe the crew will survive - Space 1999 style...

See you on the other side
waitingman: (Scream)
Tired of your children running around your home & breaking stuff?

No problem - take them to the Museum & let them break stuff there...

Why couldn't you have taken them to any one of these places instead... Let them run around there - they'll only do it once...
waitingman: (Default)
between Mankind & Wildlife has ended in a draw

Humans - 1

Animals - 1

And we're supposed to be the smart ones??!!
waitingman: (Scream)
... where it hurts to read the news

The tone of this article about a politically-aware school concert features 'outraged' comments from Ray Hadley - a Sydney shock-jock whose vitriol is fuelled by his equally breathtaking ignorance...

Of course, there's the Daily Trump rumpus. Each day of his reign of error is a blight on our species...

Be careful if you're out & about in Australia's warm Winter - the snakes think it's Spring...

Just like Dalmatians before them the husky/malamut breed is bearing the brunt of fame, because everybody wants a Direwolf, but nobody wants to keep & care for them. Here's hoping they form hunting packs & take inspiration from their Game of Thrones characters...

Meanwhile, Australia's Monster Raving Loony Party, aka One Nation, is not happy with the ABC - our national broadcaster - insisting that air-time be given to anti-vaccination groups even if they agree they're wrong. Why stop there? Let's do away with facts altogether & replace the news with hours of talkback 'opinion' from every fuckwit with a phone...
waitingman: (Scream)
An interesting article on modern times... & the end of them

Some light, morning reading...

It's nice to have my decision to not have children validated
waitingman: (Default)
So... everybody knows about Australia's killer spiders, snakes, sharks, lizards, crocodiles, emus, cassowaries (okay, not everyone knows about the cassowaries, but you should) & you probably think we're exaggerating a little... or it's urban myths perpetuated by scared tourists (I admit - the DropBear is a made-up monster), but the fauna around here can still be quite alarming to us natives & genuinely frightening to the rest of the world

Here's an article from today's Sydney Morning Herald. You can read the full story here, with photos & links to other true stories of our deadly room-mates on the island...

Not all heroes wear capes: Why Aussies are braver than Brits


"Well that's the best piece of journalism I've ever seen in the Herald," said my workmate. He put his coffee down, and stared at his laptop screen in admiration.

"Which one?" I asked. "The Kate McClymont piece about ICAC?"

"No, that was OK. I mean the story about the British removalists."

Ah, of course. I knew the one he meant, but I had to correct a point of detail.

"Not just British removalists," I said, "but 'burly' British removalists."

"Yes," my friend agreed. "They were burly removalists and yet they were still scared by a huntsman spider ..."

I was forced to jump in once more: "A huntsman spider which – according to the BBC – was 'the size of a guinea pig'."

Yes, my friend agreed, a huntsman spider "the size of a guinea pig".

At that point we both just sat there for a while and considered the story. As published midweek, it was a simple enough tale. A couple had moved from Australia to Britain. A huntsman spider had insinuated itself into the shipping container.

A supervisor was quoted: "He ran two miles up the road when he first saw it," he said, describing one removalist.

Sorry, one "burly" removalist.

My friend took another sip of coffee.

I said: "I'm not even sure what burly means."

"Oh," said my friend. "It means strong, muscular, very large. These men are the best the UK can offer. They are gods among normal people and yet when confronted with a measly, placid, friendly, mosquito-devouring huntsman, the poor things run for the hills.

"I mean, if a burly Pom is this scared, imagine what a normal-sized Pom would do."

We sat there for a moment longer, letting the tale capture our hearts. That defeat in the cricket? Somehow it had lost its sting.

"They clearly don't realise they are harmless," said my friend, interrupting the silence. "If he was found in an Australian house, he'd be treated like a member of the family."

I nodded in agreement. "That's the least of it. He'd be given a nickname. 'Hairy Legs', something cute like that. Or maybe 'Mr Hairy'. If you had a toddler, she'd treat him like a pet. She'd sing him lullabies at night."

We savoured some more. The British really had stuffed up in 1942 when they failed to hold Singapore. Disappointed? We were ropeable. Then there was that thing – was it 1973? – where they joined Europe and stopped buying our lamb chops. That wasn't good either.

It was good to see them get their comeuppance.

"I have a cousin in the UK," I said.

"I have a brother," he said.

We went back to our laptops. "Should we send the story direct on Facebook Messenger?" my friend asked. "Or put it on Facebook, then tag them?"

I took a sip of coffee. "Best to do both," I advised. "That's what I did with the flying fox story."

He looked at me quizzically. I had to explain. It was late last year and The Times of London reported that Australia had been struck by a plague of flying foxes. These tiny, sweet-faced bats can, it's true, create problems with their poo. The Times, though, wasn't focused on the poo. It was focused on the size of the animal.

The name flying fox, the paper confided, grew from the fact the animals were the size of foxes. Essentially, it was a fox with wings. The way the paper carried on, you could see them dive-bombing sheep and carrying the bleating animals back to their nests.

Of course, I'd sent the link to my cousin so she might better understand how brave I must be to walk out my front door each morning; a man dive-bombed by winged foxes.

Better still, the story had come just after Mick Fanning had punched the shark.

"Oh, that was great," said my friend. "I loved that story."

I asked: "Did you send the Mick Fanning video to your brother?"

"Oh, yes," said my friend. "I posted the video wherever I could. I told everyone we're given shark defence lessons in primary school, and that Mick was just doing what every Australian is taught to do when confronted by a shark."

"Me too," I said. "Plus, I sent them the Australian Museum official entry on the drop bear – 'Thylarctos plummetus, a large, arboreal, predatory marsupial related to the koala ... around the size of a leopard or very large dog'. That really did freak them out."

My friend purred with pleasure. "They must think we are so brave – what with air-born foxes and the drop bears, the spiders the size of guinea pigs and the need to punch a shark just in order to have a weekend swim."

I nodded grimly. "We're brave, all right. I'm brave. You're brave. And we're not even that burly.
waitingman: (Orang-Utan)
Did you know that historians & archaeologists have replaced 'AD' with 'CE' (Common Era)? I didn't either, until I read this article about the Moai heads on Easter Island...

And

With cremation on the rise as the preferred method for dearly departed disposal, you can now have a diamond made using the carbon in their ashes...

What a wonderful time to be alive... or to die
waitingman: (Default)
So the trigger-happy cops in Minneapolis shot dead an Australian ex-pat today. Whatever comes out in the investigation/blame-fest won't bring her back. Tragic

On the radio this afternoon, I heard a newsreader say "Friends of the woman said she loved life"

Honestly? Really? I mean... who doesn't?!?! Even if you're not having a great time right now, it's still better than the alternative, surely...

Obversely, I'm also a great believer in euthanasia & the right to die. Maybe it's just that I'm not a fan of stock phrases, clichés & lazy journalism
waitingman: (Happy Droopy)
The Sri Lankan Navy... a Green-Peacekeeping wonder...

You know what swimming is to me? Staying alive, when you're in the water... (Paul Stookey)
waitingman: (World Cow)
There's a reason for that... Apparently

Physics? Pah! Astronomy? Lies!! NASA? Global conspirators!!! Buzz Aldrin? A senile old grandpa!!! And Australia is the wrong shape on all the maps too...

Who could have guessed that Terry Pratchett would turn out to be the real doyen of Science Fiction. Arthur C. Clarke was just a crank

I eagerly await evidence proving that we move through space on the back of Great A'tuin the Space Turtle
waitingman: (David Bass)
People speak of the healing power of music... we need it now

I read this article in the Sydney Morning Herald today & I remember not just my first 'pop' concert. but all of them...

Don't you wish ISIS et al would just shake it off...

On a related note - No, the Australian Government won't make 'Hey Ya' the National Anthem
waitingman: (Scream)
For fuck's fucking sake, Donald, you're the biggest fucking fuckwit it's ever been my shitty misfortune to be unable to fucking avoid

Horrific chemical weapons attack in Syria? It must be Obama's fault

Surely that's taking the 'Thanks Obama' meme a little too far... blaming the Syrian government force's inhumane & inexcusable attack on civilians on the previous administration's inactivity on taking Assad's toys away. Are you really that desperate to score points??!!

Seriously, you fuckwit, if you actually did have shit for brains, the dung beetles would still go hungry...

Oh... and hey Russia... How do you feel about your Syrian buddies now?? And if it's later revealed that you gave them those deadly toys...

What a world
waitingman: (Orang Utan)
Reading the Sydney Morning Herald this morning, I saw an intriguing article title - I ignored Trump news for a week - here's what I learned. Apart from learning that the orange-wigged, tiny-handed CiC has pretty much taken over both professional & social media, blanket coverage of his every (mis)step has obscured some important events... & some interesting discoveries

Like this story. Scientists have confirmed the existence of an underwater continent just off the coast of Australia - the highest points of which, we call New Zealand. At its closest 'Zealandia' is just 25 kilometres from the Australian mainland, putting it well within our territorial waters...

So we can feel justified about our insistence on claiming New Zealand actors & musicians as our own. Step forward, new Australians Russell Crowe, Sam Neill, Lorde Jenny Morris, Bic Runga, Keith Urban, John Clarke, Flight of the Conchords & great bands like Dragon, Split Enz, Crowded House, Mi-Sex & the late, great (damn you 2016!!!) Ray Columbus & the Invaders

And many more, but that's enough Youtube for one day... Have a photo

Sunset Climb

Sunset in the Red Hills, above St George, Utah
waitingman: (Scream)
We have snakes... spiders... sharks... jellyfish

And watch out for these guys!!!
waitingman: (Scream)
Let me say right at the start that the killing of 12 people & wounding of many others in a Colorado cinema in 2012, was a tragedy. No argument

But why would you, having survived such an horrific event, then choose to sue the cinema for failing to protect you...?? And how much sympathy do you expect to get when you, quite logically, lose the suit??

Surely, if you were going to sue anybody, you'd go after the weapon's manufacturer, the NRA &/or the Government for making the weapon easily available to the sufferer of FITH* syndrome who walked in & opened fire... but the cinema? Do you really want or expect the ushers to be armed? Do you want to go through airport-style security every time you want to see a movie? Would you really prefer a live-action 3D Bourne-style shootout where not only the gunman, but staff & armed response personnel are spraying bullets everywhere? I can pretty much guarantee there would have been a lot more than 12 bodies at the end of that scenario

What is wrong with you? Will you now counter-sue the glorified ambulance-chasing lawyers who convinced you they could make the cinema pay you millions? That, at least, would be a measure of true justice...

* F@#ked In The Head

Rant

Apr. 25th, 2015 11:01 am
waitingman: (Scream)
So... it's the 100th Anniversary of the ANZAC campaign - a defining, tragic time in Australia's history

And what's the most-read story on the news.com.au website??

When the shops will be open on ANZAC Day

I don't have the words to express how sick this makes me... I only have a bucket
waitingman: (Wrong!)
... even Russell Brand has a better grasp of the facts than you do...

I don't often (ever) agree with him, but...

He's absolutely right...So could the Australian media stop referring to the tragic event in Sydney as a 'Terrorist Plot'. It simply wasn't

I don't know why the media are so determined to call it terrorism. Is it because they feel Australia has been missing out? All these other countries have had terrorist attacks, so we'd better get one too, otherwise nobody will take us seriously...

By jumping on the IS bandwagon so eagerly & despite being proved so wrong, still harping on about the most tenuous of associations, that's exactly what will happen... nobody will take us seriously

Probably not even IS
waitingman: (Still Waiting)
He's not a terroroist, he's a very naughty boy!

Hang your heads in shame - Murdoch media, our PM & a couple of State Premiers. You saw the bogeyman of Islamic terrorism where there was just a violent misogynist with a flag & a gun
waitingman: (Still Waiting)
Sorry for the radio silence over the last few months... I've fallen out of love with talking about myself & my life in general


However, I'll never get tired of talking about things like this... the relics of a bygone era who continue to poison the education & opinions of the modern world

For the-god-of-your-choice's sake... or for no god's sake at all if you prefer, I wish some people would either grow up or shut up. No other options are available

That goes for you too:~ Fred Nile, Alan Jones, Ray Hadley, John Laws, the entire 'Family First' political party, Clive Palmer, the entire US Republican party, Rupert Murdoch, Cardinal George Pell... you can take over from here, I'm sure

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